What Not to Wear

The British Are Coming! Wait. They’re already here. They are all over the telly. They’ve been here. And, apparently, their job is to tell us how to do things. Perhaps it’s because we are suckers for a British accent. Maybe the Brits just know better. It might have all started with Barbara Woodhouse—the famous dog trainer who was featured on the BBC and PBS some years back. She could get dogs to do most anything. Dogs also respond to a that accent. When Ms. Woodhouse said “Si...it!!” I always sat too. On American Idol we have Englishman Simon Cowell dominating his American colleagues and telling our singers how hideously flawed they are and what they should do to improve. We have Nanny 911 with three British nannies on assignment to distressed American households, teaching American moms and dads a thing or two about parenting. And the Nanny 911 nannies are themselves lightweights when matched against Supernanny   the awesome  Jo Frost who has yet to meet her match in the US or in Great Britain where she also has a show. “Your behavior is very naughty,” Jo tells the kids and puts them on the “naughty rug.” “Your behavior is very naughty,” has become a national catch phrase in England and may take off here as well. The producers of Supernanny were smart to bring Jo across. American versions of British TV shows don’t often work. The Office, for example, was a weak impression of the original. The worst US knock off of British TV recently is TLC’s What Not to Wear. Horrible. Doesn’t work. Unwatchable. Why? The principals have lousy personalities and no British accent.
The original What Not to Wear shows on BBC America and stars the dazzling duo of Susannah Constantine and Trinny Woodhall Blond  Susannah age forty and mother of two, says, "I've got a flaccid stomach, massive breasts and chins that are breeding."  Trinny also fortyish, a lanky, ectomorphic brunette reports that, "Trousers were invented to cover my thick ankles and I don't even have a bosom." This year What Not to Wear has returned as an hour long show. I preferred the half hour version. But the hour show must be a reward for their success. What Not to Wear is, of course, a makeover show. In the half hour version, Trinny and Susannah picked out a woman nominated by her friends and surprised them with a check for two thousand pounds with the caveat that they had to follow the lessons that the girls gave them. Normally, their victim was  a good looking lady who had lost her way and the transformations were pleasing but not surprising. What makes What Not to Wear work is the personalities of Susannah and Trinny. They’re attractive. They are funny. They’re smart. And they have a raunchy side. If this were a cooking show or a home decorating show it would still be great because these gals have it, whatever “it” is. On the new show the victims are self-nominated and a new feature, which they could get rid of as far as I’m concerned, is an ugly pageant where five finalists (the bottom five?) stand behind glass like in a police lineup and Trinny and Susannah make their final selection sending off three woman who are not just losers, but complete and total losers because of the missed opportunity. In this year’s version the selectees are real projects. Average looking, overweight, depressed, unloved. They have real issues and our knowing Brits deal with them through their wardrobes, hair and makeup and, in every case, affect deep and dramatic changes. This show is still filmed in Britain with British participants but Susannah and Trinny are here via the telly and no doubt will soon join Simon and Jo and the other nannies to get us straightened out.