Sexiest Man Alive

People Magazine and Salon.com have recently published their Sexiest Man Alive feature with the usual suspects like George Clooney topping the lists. At our house we often have a Sexiest Man Alive vote and I never win. That honor is reserved for  Norm Abram of PBS’s This Old House. We are, of course, regular watchers with This Old House queued up with a TiVO season pass and we settle in every Saturday night to watch Kevin, Tommy, Rich, Roger and, of course, the apparently attractive Norm Abram. I view the show to gain home improvement knowledge but Linda hangs on Norm’s every move and word. As she watches I hear her making what can only be described as those strange sounds a cat makes when she’s stalking a bird, her head jerking slightly as Norm grabs his hammer and pounds nails. On this week’s show Norm offered to build a table out of plywood for the obviously single homeowner who owns a falling down three story nightmare in East Boston. “You mean mean you’ll build me a Norm Abram original?” she asks, coyly tilting her head. “Oh boy,” says my partner. “That old gal really wants to jump Norm.” This gives you the flavor of what it’s like watching This Old House at our place. Soft porn with sawdust. Now I really enjoy This Old House and have for years. But this overt lusting after a slightly overweight, shaggy faced master carpenter is a bit disconcerting. Norm’s bio alleges that “everyone wishes Norm lived next door.” I’ve thought about that and there might be certain advantages. It’s an attractive idea. He might help with some stuff. But, it surely would cause more problems than it solves. Sometimes I wonder about the attraction. Wonder what makes Norm the “sexiest man alive.” Obviously, he could wind your clock. And, he has all his fingers. It could be his air of complete confidence. That “can do” attitude. Perhaps it’s the plaid shirt. No. It must be the tool belt. I should try wearing mine more often. I hope Linda doesn’t find out that This Old House has a  web cam She’ll be watching old Norm all day.