Born to Prune

I've always said that if I got a tattoo it would say, BORN TO PRUNE.
But there’s something in the DNA of my roommate that detests a good pruning. Oh, I know I sometimes go a bit too far. But we’re talking ivy here. Sure the pruned area is in the most visible spot at our house (the entry to our walkway). But, really. It will grow back. Did I mention that we’re talking ivy?  According to the experts on English Ivy, that is—the English,“If you do wish to have ivy growing in your surroundings then at the very least you should be looking to perform maintenance on it bi-annually to prevent it getting out of control.”
The particular patch in question hasn’t been touched since we bought this house fifteen years ago. It was a thick mat of dead vines which grew up, then draped down from an out-of- control pyracantha. The vine mat had trapped three garbage cans full of dead leaves from the birch tree above. Ivy had grown from the property line to the street in one giant cascade of plant stuff. That’s six feet.
I decided major surgery was in order. We discussed it. Roommate said, and I quote, “Do what you want.” This was, to be fair, after I had done some serious thinning to expose the end of the rock wall and discovered a couple rocks missing. She didn’t like that. Looked like missing teeth. So, I hustled around to find some spare rocks that I could set in the gaps. The first rock I picked up barehanded was home to a very large black widow spider. If that spider hadn’t been sound asleep, almost snoring, we’d be blogging something different and wouldn’t be concerned with some bare looking spots in front of the house. We’d be sorry that we made such a fuss about that old ivy. But, I digress.
I didn’t count on the ugly block wall that no one has seen since 1972 that appeared at the edge of the neighbor’s property line and loomed above our lovely river rock wall. Well, it was too late by then. “Don’t come out yet,” I said. But, of course, she came out. “You’ve killed it,” she told me.
According to the English, “If you do wish to permanently kill ivy then you have a lot of work ahead of you! It is very difficult to kill the entire ivy plant, and can only be done with a lot of hard work and persistence. Generally it is very difficult to kill an entire ivy plant (even) by use herbicides...”
“I didn’t kill it,” I replied. “It will grow back.”
“It looks terrible. I’m going to call a landscaper. I don’t want to look at this all summer.”
“You’ll be surprised,” I told her, “at how fast it grows back.”
“It won’t grow that fast.”
Of course, the landscaper can’t come until late this summer. By then we’ll be somewhere else. Let’s face it. The person who will have to look at it is our neighbor across the street and she hasn’t done us any favors lately anyway. Plus, the landscaper can’t make ivy grow.
Boys, I know you stand with me on this. Sometimes a severe pruning is called for. It will not be pretty. You must be strong and resolute and take the abuse you know will follow. Courage.
I must not waver for I was Born to Prune.

Comments

[Mariko]

Hey, you can come prune for us all you want! We have lots of pruning for you!

[Kirsten]

A GOOD pruning is called for time to time. Shawn and I went through the same thing when I was pruning the enormous rose bushes in front a few months ago. I wanted to prune more but compromised. And how tall are the roses?? Above the roof line!

[Jane Schmiedeskamp]

Hey Randy,
Remember me? When Kendra and Noble got married, I'm the one who begged to go out and free the little statue that sits at the top of the walk near the porch steps from its obliterating veil of ivy. I was told, "it will look so bare and it might not grow back". Fat chance. I was allowed my judicious pruning session.

Fear not. The ivy near my side door gets pruned 3 times a summer, having grown 3-4 feet after each pruning, covering the flagstone walkways, and creating a trip-you-and-maim-you obstacle to walking.

Of course, it rains in Michigan in the summer. You might consider some prudent watering when it gets very hot and dry there, ( hopefully staving off the arrival of the landscaper).

[Kendra schmiedeskamp]

eek! eek! a black widow! eek!

[ldxeglyne]

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