Airline Rant

We flew across the country today on a Boeing 757/200. I hate the Boeing 757/200. Why? Because of its seating configuration. One aisle. Three seats on each side. I always get the middle seat and the flight is always full. Other than the fact that it’s fast and cheap, I hate air travel. It’s uncomfortable and it’s not healthy. And, we all put up with it. The tiny little seats designed for tiny little people. Broken down, ass breaking cushions and blankets and pillows you’d be ashamed to send to a lab for analysis. Rest rooms you can hardly turn around in. Recirculated air full of plague and pestilence. And, we all put up with it. Being involved in airline travel is sort of like being on the Gong Show. It’s like a trick. A practical joke. And, we all put up with it. It starts with the loading. All logic says that it would be more efficient to load from the back to the front. This isn’t the way United does it. Four Seating areas (1-4). 1 is in the front just behind First Class and 4 is all the way in the back (Frequent Flyers). Let’s create a huge traffic jam and take twice as long as necessary by starting with Seating Area 1, then 2, 3, and finally 4. By the way, why should Frequent Flyers get the worst seats on the plane? Supposedly they are among the best customers the airline has. But they get treated like dirt and seated in the back. And, who do you have to sleep with to get those Exit Row seats? And why isn’t there any legroom? “Place your carry on under the seat in front of you.” What a joke. The idea is to eliminate obstructions to emergency exiting. Like all that crap is going to stay under the seat in front of you in an emergency. And, how are you going to get past the dead guy in the middle seat after the crash, the guy who hogged both arm rests and smelled like a garlic sandwich. Is his backpack going to be in your way? My guess is in an emergency landing or crash situation shit is going to flying all over the place. If you get out it will be a miracle. But the stewies recite their cant like it really means something. And, we all put up with it. We only complain if we don’t get where we want to go when we wanted to get there. We won’t complain about the excruciating torture of an interior design motivated only by the bottom line with no concern at all for the comfort of our bottoms. Nothing is going to change. Why? Because we are Americans. We believe in the marketplace. We are dedicated to the concept that the spirit of free competition will solve the the airline industry’s problems bankrupt though it may be. But most of all, as Americans, we believe that some day we will be flying First Class. We will work our way out of Seating Areas 1-4 and never look back. That’s why we all put up with the torture and stupidity with nary a complaint. My seat neighbor today told me that the ticket agent told her the airlines are going to start charging for checked bagage. This is really dumb. Right now the passengers look more like pack animals as they haul as much as they can carry into the cabin and fight to get it stowed in the overheads. Why not charge for carry ons you idiots? But we'll put up with that too just like we do with overweight charges. If your bag weighs 51 lbs you are subject to an additional charge. But you can check two bags each weighing 49 lbs for no additional charge. It's genius. In the meantime, until your ship comes in, while you’re waiting for that strike that will earn you First Class or at least an occasional upgrade, I will commend to you the  Bactivator, a clever little fold up cushion which will make your flight significantly more comfortable.

Comments

[Nana Jane]

Hey There Toenail Man
Try NWA. They board the back rows FIRST. Also, when booking a flight insist on getting a seat assignment, and tell them, as I do, that you are over 6 feet tall, and will only travel on a flight that has an aisle seat available for you.
Try a "small procedure" face mask, (available at good pharmacies for about a buck), and wear it for the whole flight, and avoid the coughing, sneezing, sick and virulent fellow passengers, and the poor airhandling procedures. Just tell the Stewies that you are going to need to wear one. Tell your seat-mates that "you have a bad cold, and don't want to infect them". They'll thank you.
Avoid the pillow thing by getting an inflateable, (on site, with your breath), U shaped neck pillow. Handy because you can place it in a way that will keep your mouth from falling open in an ungainly way. Not that anyone will notice, because you'll have your face mask on.
Nana knows.

[Kirsten]

Hee hee..They already have what you mentioned! And then some..nose gel, ear plugs and eye masks. Bye bye snorkel face, hello airline face!

[Lew]

I feel your pain!

On the way back from Germany last October we were assigned the Exit Row, and felt as if we had won the lottery -- boundless leg room and only three steps from the lavs. Better yet, our flight attendant was a U of Miami fan so we talked football and the ACC and she gave us lots of extra goodies (using the term "goodies loosely).

On the other hand, the Donner Party would have gladly put up with all the hassle, and would have very much enjoyed the airline food.

[Ed]

Oy, such whining and kvetching I have never hoid!

Of course the free market works. If there are enough people who are truly as upset as you, they will simply stop flying or file formal complaints. When the airlines feel it in the bottom line, they will either improve or go under.

Obviously if nobody is as upset as you, which is apparent by the inaction by the airlines on these matters, then things will stay the same, for thus hath the market spoken.

You know lika da soivice, you no hafta fly. Drive or take a bus or stay home!

[David]

It's David, Alaska has recently downgraded on MFR to LAX from a jet that took 90 min to something with propellers that takes 120 min. I utilize Bose sound reduction headset, and pretend I'm escaping Casablanca as I wave to Humphrey and Paul.I can usually comsume half a murder mystery before landing.